I loved this step, when I first came into AA, this step was the best for me. The first time I read it, I loved it! it was a relief! I was so insane in my own head that I had welcomed a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity and this step to me was the answers to my craziness in my head. Oh to be able to be sane! to not have to drink again! to have a calmness! and serenity! to me I was very happy when reading this step on the wall. Now was it as easy as I thought as first? No because they started with the “God” stuff “oh no” please don’t do this too me! I just can’t believe something I can’t prove or see “really” is this chick/guy crazy. I don’t know about your God but my God has this sick sense of humor and well he/she can keep it!
I was about 6 months sober and I went to see the play Bill & Dr. Bob at a local theater here where I live, my sponsor came with me and I know I had already read this part in a recovery book, but there was something about that play that really made sense. It was the part where Ebby sits down and tells Bill W. that he has found a solution, he has found religion and of course Bill is thinking the same thing I am and Bill says basically I don’t want any thing to do with that nonsense and Ebby looked at him and said well if you don’t believe in God can you at least believe that you are not God! for some reason it clicked at that point! See in my opinion a lot of people in AA give “God” a bad name they tend to push this concept and there are a lot that don’t but it’s a real turn off for a lot of people to have to believe in something that they find so hard to believe in, but what you have to realize is that you are not “God”, life is going to go the way it’s going to go, you are not going to be able to control every thing in your world it’s just the way it is and I like to think of it like the universe aligns it self, things work out the way they are meant too, if you are a good person good things come back to you eventually, every trial and error in life is a learning and growing process if we didn’t have bad times how would we know how to appreciate the good times. I find my God in the rooms of AA God talks through them in a sense, I have asked for many things from God some I have gotten and when I did get it I wish I hadn’t even asked, like Garth Brooks says, some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers how true that is.
I just came across a card that my mother sent me when I was trying to get pregnant with my daughter and not succeeding it was one of those “God” cards, my mom was Catholic and had a lot of faith at times, but there is something she wrote and I’ve read this card several times over the years since she is gone but for some reason this last time made more sense to me, she wrote to me in caps DO NOT FORSAKE OUR HOLY FATHER HE IS LISTENING TO YOU. Love Mother. Perhaps it has been my ego that has stood in my own way, my husband has always told me I am my own worst enemy and this is true, perhaps this “God” thing is more powerful than I could ever realize? I really don’t know, but what I do know is that when I pray for help, patience, tolerance to handle any situation in my life today it helps me through and if that’s all religion is aside from helping others than what the hell is wrong with me! it’s not the big deal I’ve been making it out to be. I am learning to be kinder to myself in my sobriety they say it’s progress not perfection. I am keeping an open mind, I hope you will too.
Fondly,
Diane
Additional readings for step 2 in the big book 45-57; 9-16; 567-568
