As I sit and reflect on the past year, I have come to a few conclusions the first is that there is always always always something to be thankful for!
I lost my brother this year the third in my immediate family within 9 year span. It has been extra difficult due to the fact that he was paralyzed for 24 years and that alone had weighed heavy on my heart for years, however he was my best friend and I really didn’t realize this until he was gone. As hard it was taking care of him I really miss doing it. My life feels empty and lost without him, I took it for granted that he would always be around and when he had a brain aneurysm in June it was like God had taken my best friend away. I have realized to never take anyone you love for granted! I am still in the process of forgiving myself for being so selfish, see I am a very good alcoholic and it’s always about me! the only difference with being sober today is that I can recognize that and work on it, it’s progress not perfection! So with going though my depression for the last 7 months and gaining 50 lbs because I quit smoking after my brother died, I remember promising my Mom 9 years ago before she died that I would quit, it was also a motivator for me and with 4 years of sobriety it was time to give up that daemon too, my husband says that I am his hero which is a really wonderful compliment, he has said I’ve conquered things that he never thought would have been possible. I have given him hope that it can be done, that alone is huge!
So when I sit in “my” misery this past year, I think of Whitney Houston and how her daughter is so messed up now without her Mom, how her Mom continued to do drugs and died so young, and I totally get it! once your hooked on this stuff no matter if it’s drugs or booze it sucks the life out of you. I really am not sure to this day what made me sober up, I know various things did when I look back, I pray for Whitney’s daughter! and am always grateful that I am sober.
I also think back at what happened in my child hood home town of New Jersey with Hurricane Sandy, never have I ever witnessed so much devastation and destruction! I’ve lost a lot but I have a roof over my head, food and I can pay the bills. Then the final straw Sandy Hook Elementary School……How do you pick up the pieces after you lose a child, I often wonder how my Dad goes on after burying two sons, and his wife of 45 years, as our President summed it up, life does go on even in the darkest days… it’s just not fair, your children are suppose to bury you.
My resolution for this year is one thing and one thing only! For “me” to get out of my self and help other people, this always seemed to be the best medicine to help me appreciate all the wonderful things I have, we have had a rough couple of years, but if I can put aside my selfishness I can ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS find something to be grateful for.
God Bless everyone who follows my blog even the people that don’t, and have a Healthy and Happy New Year. I would love to hear your resolution, please join my blog and start off the New Year on a positive note, if you don’t wish to join please hit the like button. Thanks